Articles

A Heart for Process Improvement

Business Process Management (BPM) and improvement are hot topics, and in many cases, the hot tickets for better pay and increased respect. Are you an IT pro looking to make the “leap to process”? You may be an assembly language programmer (yes, I’m talking to both of you) coding your life away, your only thrill being the rare use of the XOR op-code. It doesn’t matter where you are today, nor does your reasoning matter.

If you’re thinking the business process game is for you, then I want to help you assess your skills so you can see if you really have what it takes. Here is a little hint: Of the vast sea of folks who claim to “do process,” the majority can’t, and even more, shouldn’t.

This test is based on the latest psychometric measurement techniques and advanced neural pathway analysis. That’s right! It’s a True-False test. Perform or simulate each task below and then circle “True” if you are frustrated beyond belief with “the process,” or “False” if you find nothing wrong. As you “perform or simulate each task,” you aren’t allowed to do anything illegal, unethical, disgusting, or contrary to your corporate policy.

1. True or False: Stand in any line at any bank, airline, utility or agency and count the number of employees chatting among themselves while you wait … and wait.

2. True or False: Follow the instructions for upgrading your operating system and don’t skip any steps, reboots, scans, etc.

3. True or False: Calculate your 2006 Alternative Minimum Tax (AMT) by hand.

4. True or False: Assess the logical cohesion of the sentences in any paragraph of any federal or state statute.

5. True or False: Attend your local probate court, on Wednesday.

6. True or False: Ask your credit card customer service representative how your interest payment is calculated. Bonus: Ask him or her to repeat what he or she just said.

7. True or False: At the time of the initial deposit, give your bank standing orders on how to handle the maturity of your new 12-month CD.

8. True or False: Navigate the interactive voice response system of your credit card provider to find out why your card has been erroneously declined, and do not “zero out” to an operator. Bonus: Do it from London’s Gatwick airport, fresh off an overnight flight.

9. True or False: Go to the international business class counter of any U.S. airline and watch how non-English-speaking travelers paying $7,000 per ticket are handled. Bonus: Count the number of times the monoglot agent says, “theeeeeee baaaaaaaag … put theeeeeeee baaaaaaaaaaag on the scale. Yeah, you know who you are.

10. True or False: Submit a rebate for three cans of paint where the UPC symbols you’re supposed to cut out and send in are screen-printed on the sides of the completely full 5-gallon plastic containers.

Now add up the number of times you circled False and score using this key:

• 0 – 2: You have a heart for process improvement. You revile sloppy, inefficient, arrogant and ignorant processes and you want to make a difference. You’re likely cut out for a career in process, unless of course, you were the designer of any of the above processes … especially that inane paint rebate form.

• 3 – 6: You aren’t yet ready for the job; you are much too tolerant of bad processes. Stay where you are and gradually expose yourself to more examples of bad processes. An internship in a customer service department should suffice.

• 7 – 10: Are you serious? You’re so woefully ignorant of bad processes that you’re a danger to yourself and BPM tools everywhere. Stay where you are and consider hiring a few interns in your customer service department.

If you felt like only a neurotic perfectionist could mark each scenario True—a gadfly just looking to stir up problems—then you’re probably right, but you still have no business in the process world. Consider taking up assembly language programming. I can teach you some really cool tricks with the Shift Left Logical operator. I just can’t teach you to have a heart for process improvement. You have to develop that skill yourself.